She wiped her eyes and tried to calm herself down. When she felt strong enough, she continued reading.
“We each met the right person but at the wrong time.
You saved me thirteen years ago, and I instantly fell in love with your clear, starry eyes. I have loved you since you were only ten years old.
Then Eleanor came and made me believe that she was the one who saved me. Her deception and my credulity are thorns in my heart.
I never touched her, and even though she is now dead, I still can’t forgive myself for being so stupid.
What I regret most is not recognizing you when you were brought into the Roberts family. I didn’t cherish you while we were married. And by the time I wanted to make amends, you no longer loved me.
But it didn’t matter that you treated me like a pet and a servant.
I was happy just to stay by your side and see you every day.
‘s
From the moment I realized I was in love with you, I became insecure, debased, and timid.
When you smiled at me, however casually, I was overjoyed. If you said something nice to me, I would be too excited to fall asleep.
Do these words make you happy?
The once arrogant man now cares only about your happiness, your pleasure. He begs for your love like a puppy, and acts like a clown, humble, ridiculous.
I’m afraid to lose you. I do not expect your love back, but I still hope a small corner of your heart might miss me, even a little bit.
I know I hurt you deeply. I don’t deserve your forgiveness.
You saved me, and I owe you my life. I will now repay you with mine.
As you have often said, I’m a bad man.
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On the one hand, I hope you’ll forget me and find a good man who loves and cherishes you. On the other hand, I hope you’ll remember me forever.
I have been struggling with this contradiction for a long time. I am torn between these thoughts.
And now, I selfishly choose to end my life in a way that will prevent you from ever forgetting me.
I ask that you eat regularly, stop being so picky about food, drink less caffeine, take time away from work, and wear warmer clothes in cold weather.
Goodbye, my…”
The last two words were blurred by tears. When Lucinda squinted, she saw that he had ended the letter with “true Love”.
Lucinda recognized his handwriting even though some of the words were crooked and others blurred by tears.
What mood had he been in when he wrote this letter?