I dashed out of the ward in a flurry. As the doctors and nurses rushed my father towards treatment, I slipped into them.
I wept loudly, intentionally crying out for my father.
To everyone around, it seemed I was overwhelmed with concern for him.
However, my real motive was to seize this chaotic moment to harm myself severely enough to lose the baby.
This drastic action seemed the only path to marrying Caleb.
Privately, I resolved to follow through, despite a twinge of guilt for the unborn child. My survival had to come first.
Cradling my stomach, I whispered to myself, Baby, please dont hold this against me. I had no choice.
The chance came soon.
As the nurses led my father away, I yanked at his hand. One nurse forcefully disengaged my grip to expedite his care.
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.
This was my moment.
As she released my hand, I stumbled, slamming my abdomen against the beds edge.
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A sharp pain erupted through me, my body froze, and warmth trickled down my legs.
The pain was intense. This had to mean the end of the pregnancy.
Overwhelmed by agony, I started to black out. As my vision faded, the distant sounds of rapid footsteps and urgent calls for help echoed around me.
Then I lost consciousness completely.
I wasnt sure how long I had been out when I gradually began to feel a dull ache in my lower body that pulled me back to awareness.
My mind was a blank at first, but the persistent ache soon brought back the memory of the ordeal I had just endured.
Clutching the hand of a nurse, I asked anxiously, The baby Where is my baby?
The nurse met my anxious gaze, her expression slightly flustered. She averted her eyes and said gently, Try not to dwell on the sadness. Youre still young. Youll have another chance at motherhood.
A wave of relief washed over me. It was true then, the baby hadnt survived.
I fought to keep my composure and slowly released the nurses hand, masking my relief.
She probably thought my quiet demeanor was due to shock and grief, so she continued to offer words of comfort.
Feigning sorrow, I pulled the quilt over my head as though shielding myself from onlookers.
What I really wanted to hide, though, wasnt tears but the faint smile playing on my lips.